Friday 4 December 2009

some feed back on my synopsis from Charlotte(a fellow City student)

Love the dramatic opening – immediately felt sympathy with Almir, because he seems alone and vulnerable. Something very poignant about him coming to the UK for a new start, only to have this awful thing happen. Think the idea of him having this heightened sense of perception is very interesting – and am glad that you toned that down so he’s not actually a psychic – that would seem to make it a different sort of novel.

‘After twenty years, Trudy is still searching for the right man and her biological clock is ticking.’ – poor Trudy, I know the feeling!! I am not quite clear in which way he is drawn to her though – to start with I thought he was attracted to her but not sure if that’s the intention? Is it her unhappiness which intrigues him? I know this would become clear in the novel but perhaps there’s a different way to express his interest in her in the synopsis…
I was shocked when she was murdered – wondered if you were planning to lead the reader to believe something else is going to develop with Trudy, so that it really feels unexpected when she dies? That’s how it comes across in the synopsis and I think that could be intriguing.

I like Almir’s conflict about Roland – that felt very believable and again elicits sympathy for him. Am assuming his plan to marry is partly or mostly cultural? That feels a very topical, sad conflict. I don't quite trust Roland from your synopsis, but think that is perhaps because I am feeling protective of Almir! And of course in the novel itself there will be far more detail about Roland so perhaps I wouldn't feel like that then. Think it is a good sign i have strong feelings about Almir though!

Julie is a great character – always find self-delusion interesting.

Overall – love the way the plot develops, I’d definitely read this novel. I find Almir a really convincing character and sympathise with him even though he was involved in atrocities [that idea of ordinary, good people getting caught up in terrible things is fascinating]. Great theme of loneliness – that felt very well-explored – Almir an outsider, Roland in his way an outsider, the two women also lonely [would Trudy have ended up bitter and alone like Julie had she lived?] It seems the thing to believe these days is that it’s ok to be on your own, the main issue is to be happy in yourself, whereas I feel that loving and being loved IS an intrinsic human need, and wanting love is nothing to be ashamed of. Really like the way that comes across from your synopsis, and I also think on so many levels that is a very topical theme – lots of loneliness around, esp in cities. I always love books which conjure up the randomness of life – it isn’t neat and tidy, and just because something bad has happened, it doesn’t mean that something good comes next! I think you’ve used that element so well here – it’s a theme in itself and also you’ve employed it very cleverly in your plot.

...............................(thank you Charlotte)........................................................................................................................................................

I have a few tweeks to make to the final verson of the synopsis, then will post it on here( not that anyone seems to be following this!

BG

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