some feed back on my synopsis from Charlotte(a fellow City student)

Love the dramatic opening – immediately felt sympathy with Almir, because he seems alone and vulnerable. Something very poignant about him coming to the UK for a new start, only to have this awful thing happen. Think the idea of him having this heightened sense of perception is very interesting – and am glad that you toned that down so he’s not actually a psychic – that would seem to make it a different sort of novel.

‘After twenty years, Trudy is still searching for the right man and her biological clock is ticking.’ – poor Trudy, I know the feeling!! I am not quite clear in which way he is drawn to her though – to start with I thought he was attracted to her but not sure if that’s the intention? Is it her unhappiness which intrigues him? I know this would become clear in the novel but perhaps there’s a different way to express his interest in her in the synopsis…
I was shocked when she was murdered – wondered if you were planning to lead the reader to believe something else is going to develop with Trudy, so that it really feels unexpected when she dies? That’s how it comes across in the synopsis and I think that could be intriguing.

I like Almir’s conflict about Roland – that felt very believable and again elicits sympathy for him. Am assuming his plan to marry is partly or mostly cultural? That feels a very topical, sad conflict. I don't quite trust Roland from your synopsis, but think that is perhaps because I am feeling protective of Almir! And of course in the novel itself there will be far more detail about Roland so perhaps I wouldn't feel like that then. Think it is a good sign i have strong feelings about Almir though!

Julie is a great character – always find self-delusion interesting.

Overall – love the way the plot develops, I’d definitely read this novel. I find Almir a really convincing character and sympathise with him even though he was involved in atrocities [that idea of ordinary, good people getting caught up in terrible things is fascinating]. Great theme of loneliness – that felt very well-explored – Almir an outsider, Roland in his way an outsider, the two women also lonely [would Trudy have ended up bitter and alone like Julie had she lived?] It seems the thing to believe these days is that it’s ok to be on your own, the main issue is to be happy in yourself, whereas I feel that loving and being loved IS an intrinsic human need, and wanting love is nothing to be ashamed of. Really like the way that comes across from your synopsis, and I also think on so many levels that is a very topical theme – lots of loneliness around, esp in cities. I always love books which conjure up the randomness of life – it isn’t neat and tidy, and just because something bad has happened, it doesn’t mean that something good comes next! I think you’ve used that element so well here – it’s a theme in itself and also you’ve employed it very cleverly in your plot.

...............................(thank you Charlotte)........................................................................................................................................................

I have a few tweeks to make to the final verson of the synopsis, then will post it on here( not that anyone seems to be following this!

BG

Its been a week I know...

Since I last posted. My reading at Decongested at Foyles on 27th went like a treat, with a sizable entourage in support - including 3 from the City course(but regretably no one from Forest Writers) ...A total starnger come up to me at the end of the evenning an complimented me on my story(Give & take) which made me feel good, I could see she really meant it. We all went off to Maison B in Soho for tea and cake afterwards, then H , Ruth and me walked up to Oxford Circus and got the tube back home to Walthamstow. Ruth read my other short story that has appeared in Decongested Tales " Seein' Red" on the journey back, and said she loved it!

Synopsis needs a litttle more tweeking but should be on here soon now.

Last night walking back fom Uni up Upper St I observed a kid outside a newsagents shop with one of those Dangerous dogs on a link metal chain lead. He let it pee up the hoarding proped up against the window of the shop. The hoarding had some Evenning standard headline on it. I might use this image somewhere in my novel - when Trudie gets murdered and the news breaks. Its irreverance summs up what I want to say at that point. I had quite alot of new thoughts at the w/e (we went up to our house in Aldeburgh) about plot and how a few new ingredients might set things alight more. Must go as need to go up to have a CRB check done for work - then need to plough on with my essay for the course(I'm analysing SlaughterHouse 5 )

BG added

synopsis

Its been an interesting week. tutorialed my synopsis for this novel and then, yesterday rewrote it. Am prety ok with the result but lets see how it goes down on Wednesday when i workshop it in class. Did a writing excersize which turned into a short, short...thought it might be worth submitting somewhere - so have sent it (again) to Decongested. Wipe board still blank but note books filed together now and I know where I am going with this.

Does anyone other than me ever read my blog?Is there other life out there somewhere. Who looks at writers blogs?WELL, ITS A BRIGHT AND SUNNY DAY SO AM GOING OUT FOR A SHORT BIKE RIDE AROUND THE VILLAGE.

BG

yesterday again!

Yesterday participated in an excellent writers workshop with Vicky Grut in a pub room at the lower end of Theobalds road...we were a small group - always good -and did some straight forward creative writing excersizes and as often is the case some very useful stuff emerged - some of which I know is going to be useful in my approach to the novel(and I may even have some actual new base references for prose ! So that was definately worth it. It was strange seeing my writers bio in the workshop portfolio - God, Ive come so far in the past few years, since that hell period when I shuffled around indooors and couldnt imagine in my wildest dreams even a short walk up the road!If anyone's ever does peak at this blog who has or know someone with CFS/ME - I do hope that my story will inspire! (Talking of MY Story i NEED TO WORK TO COMPLETE THAT(the BBC My Story True amazing stories competition - Ive done a first draft on my new workbook but it needs atleast a couple of more dedicated sesssions)It' s almost unbelievable. Undoubtly Forest Writers were a milestone - before that I fwelt very much on my own and in the dark.

After the workshop met H - I took a black cab for 6 quid to the Barbi and did a metta Bav Meditation in the basement(though it was busy and noisy iy didntseem to bother me); I so got into my meditation that 5pm came and went without me being aware of it and I missed our agreed rondevous at that time outside the Waterside cafe. When I got there afeww minutes late, H was not there ; just recieved an answerphone message to ask where I was. When I caled him his phone went onto answerphone so I ended up having dinner aloneBUT I was surprised by the deliciousness of the food(usually its a last resort sallon if I we end up eating there!) I had steak and kidney pie witj pumpkin and garlic mash, which was a bit gloopy but tasted very good - and a side of very passble carrot and red cabbage.

Tmes ticking and I need to shower and clear the dinningroom table of an avalnche of bloody papers and then get cooking spag bol for luch - Robert and Andrew are comming for Lee and then we plan to walk to Springfield Park. Its a nice sunny day!

ps DOES ANYONE EVRY CHECK OUT BLOGS LIKE MINE?

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE - do identify yourself. Do comment!

BG

yesterday again!

yesterday

yesterday